Archive for ‘Divorce’

August 16, 2011

On Zachery Tims

by MullOverThis

Pastor Zachery Tims is deceased and news reports have mentioned the presence of a white powder on his person, which is being tested.  So, the implication is that drugs may have been involved.  Additionally, news reports have succinctly described Tims as, “…pastor of New Destiny Christian Center in Apopka, Florida who divorced his wife over an affair with a hooker…”

I definitely have a firm resolve concerning Pastor Tims and the type of preacher he represents:  the man who loves God and does all that he can for people to improve their lives.  “The man” is where the murky area lies.  Regardless of one’s religious convictions or beliefs, at some point, we have to decide what is good.  I do not have the power to, or would even be willing to toss Tims or anyone like him to the dogs;  some people  do have a conscience but don’t realize how their decisions will affect them until it is too late.  God’s grace is sufficent to cover any one of us, even at the last minute.

Mulloverthis:

Is it possible to be a “good man” when you are unfaithful and dishonor your wife even in public?

Is it possible to be a “good man” when your decisions make your children fatherless?

Is it possible to be a “good man” because you have done so many great things for every one but the ones whose lives rely upon your “goodness” the most?

Does  a “good man” direct donation money to support a drug addiction?

Does a “good man” pay for hotels and  flings to accompany him with church money?

Can a man be a “great man(d) of God” if he’s not even a “good man”?

Does the crackhead who steals from his family but helps an old lady across the street become a poor soul who is a good person?

Are we allowed to really draw the line between good people and not so good people anymore?

Do the concepts of CHARACTER, INTEGRITY, ETHICS, RESPONSIBILITY, RELIABILITY, THOUGHTFULNESS, AND CONSIDERATION for people other than oneself mean anything?

Nice people do not necessarily translate into good people.

Good people often have to do things that are not nice.

What a man does, speaks much louder to what is really in his heart, than mere words.

The sum total of one’s acts does not outweigh or define the essence of a man’s character.

Good will and good intentions can kill in the absence of good character.

God certainly uses people who have not always been good.  But, I haven’t seen one instance where God used people who did not turn away from their non-goodness to become more like God.  The admirable thing about Zachery is that even in all of his struggles, he had enough faith to try and help others.  Ultimately, there is no point in representing a Christ who cannot give us the power to live a good life, especially when we plaster our faces on signs as leaders qualified to show you the way.  ZTims is not isolated in this troubled preacher identity.  We do not need ANOTHER man, who cannot live a good life, to feel more for people than to seek care for his own life.  The Kingdom of God is not a crutch for preachers’ issues and does not belong to preachers.   Preachers, SIT DOWN.  TAKE A SEAT.  You are not that important to the world.  No, you are not.  God can use anyone else to do what you do.  Go somewhere and sit down until you can be restored.  No one can blame “the church” for a man’s destructive choices.  Ask every drug addict who now lives in victory.  We are not going to gloss over mess and memorialize it as something good to make people feel good.  We have too much in Christ to continue in sin, and think church leaders should live just like men who do not KNOW God.

If there need not be any moral distinction and culpability for the kinds of ills that one man’s life exudes to become a plague in other people’s lives, and lead without adherence to the standard of what is good and right, then we owe Bin Laden an apology.

Mulloverthis.

December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

by MullOverThis

Merry Christmas!  I hope this time of celebration for the birth and life of Jesus Christ helps you to cherish what is important, and focus on those things, always.

We often focus on what we need, what we’re trying to attain, and what  is missing.  For many, it is difficult to go through the holidays without a missing loved one.  For many who have lost their homes, gotten a divorce or suffered some sort of loss this year, the holidays are a bit harder.  Even in these situations, we still have to endure the holidays.  So, let’s focus on all of the good things that we do have.

For me, I have learned to live without my grandmother and some good friends who have passed away.  Although I think of them often, the holidays seem to trigger their absence so much more.  Yet, I think, “Thank God I’m here.”  I would have loved to be able to see another smile, hear another laugh, or even taste another dish from my grandmother.  Now, I can smile as I look at her pictures and know that she is at rest.

So enjoy your life, relationships and love as much as you can. Cherish what you do have and make decisions and life-choices that reflect your values and character.  You will find that not only is LIFE GOOD, but also that it is still great and worth living.

Mulloverthis.

July 29, 2008

Ode to CNN-Tell Me Something I Didn’t Know

by MullOverThis

CNN, you blew it. That is the nicest way I can encapsulate my sentiments against that farce of a special, “Black in America.” I was so disappointed in Part 1 that I could not muster up the strength to see Part 2, which by peer review, was worse than the first. Let me qualify my rant by saying I am far from the disgruntled Black American who is antagonistic against white media and looking for an opportunity to whine. What I am weary of is what my brilliant colleague referred to as potrayals of “black victimization”. In short, I was hoping CNN would take the needle off that victim record and show a side of Black America that whites have collectively yet to see or acknowledge.
       
When I saw the previews and internet video clips of the “special” (and I mean special here in a very tongue in cheek, short bus kind of way), I immediately thought finally, an accurate portrayal of blacks that Tyler Perry didn’t  write, would make its way into America’s living rooms. I had my fingers crossed that CNN would use the program as a means to display to white America that we are not all on welfare, having babies out of wedlock, getting shot over a game of skully, and basically broke, busted, and disgusted. I wanted to see blacks who achieved their goals of academic success, home ownership, united families, and upward mobility obtained without shaking, jumping, rapping, or disrobing. I wanted the motive for this greatness to be shown in light of rather than in spite of. Let me unpack this further. Which sounds better? Black success in light of an innate desire to realize our potential as productive citizens of these United States of America, a realization of our identity as a strong culture with much to offer the world, and a people who have every reason to love themselves OR black success in spite of the lengthy history of disenfranchisement at the hands of whites that led to impoverished neighborhoods, inequities in education, inner-city violence, and broken families? The former is an actualization of the philosophy of W.E.B DuBois who believed in order for a man (or in this case, a people) to take his place in the world–he must be himself.  Blacks have something to teach the world. DuBois believed in black potential, and it was not something to be conjured and nurtured only under harsh circumstances. It was something that blacks as human beings should have the proclivity to do. The latter is a further entrenchment of the idea that blacks are the perpetual victims of the residue left behind by white America’s domestic form of imperialism upon its own dark citizens, and therefore no matter what we overcome, our success is never independent of the variable of victimization.

So yes, I believe CNN only further embedded the stereotypes that have been floating around about blacks since European travelers and historians during antiquity and the medeival period chronicled the lives of Africans by telling wild tales of oversexed dark people who hop on one foot, dwell in caves, and communicated in screeches. This type of misinformation leads to a mythology that rationalizes and philosophicizes the supposed inferiority of a people. As far as I am concerned, the use of the word black in “Black in America” is not a reference to the people but rather the growing vacuum about what else it means to be black. Better luck next time.
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Moderator’s Note:  This post is from a guest contributor, NIK. 

July 1, 2008

Bynum’s Battle is Over–Weeks and Bynum Divorce Final

by MullOverThis

If you live long enough, you will experience the best of times and the worst of times, all at the same time.  This holds true, for example, when a doting father watches his only daughter get married.  The ultra dad may be exuberant while witnessing his daughter take on the life of a wife, all while grieving because his baby girl is now looking to another  as her strong man, protector, provider and leader.  Divorce often has this ambivalent effect on couples that don’t make it.  While each partner may be looking forward to a permanent dissolution of the marriage, it is often a painstaking reminder of the end of life as usual.  Psychologically, it can be as traumatic as experiencing a death, or loss of a loved one.  So, this divorce cannot be an easy time for Bynum or Weeks.

The couple received a final divorce decree on June 20, 2008 at the Atlanta area Gwinnett County Superior Court.  Bynum and Weeks were a high-profile ministry couple who had an unprecedented media exposed take-by-take coverage of the demise of their marriage.  Their union had challenges like most.  The straw that broke the camel’s back was the August 21, 2007 parking lot incident where Bynum alleged that her then husband, Weeks, assaulted her by beating and repeatedly kicking her.  Weeks plead guilty to aggravated assault, after initially stating that he never put his hands on  Bynum.  He later changed his story and said he pushed Bynum away because she was attempting to assault him.  Bynum was the one with the documented bruises and the testimony of two black male hotel employees who had no prior relationship to Bynum other than seeing her frequent the hotel.  Even with Weeks’ alleged spousal abuse to his first wife, alleged physical altercations with a male and female church employee, a switch in stories before the world, and conviction, he still claims to be the victim. 

Had Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, Marion Barry, Mike Tyson and most recently R. Kelly not been hailed as heros by a litany of supporters amidst alleged crimes against women and children, I might be alarmed.  This is the world we live in.  Where a prominent Baptist preacher petitioned for Mike Tyson, who has recently been linked to a murder plot in Bedford-Stuyvestant area of Brooklyn, New York, to have his prison sentence for raping Desiree Washington stayed.  Where were the church leaders petitioning for Bishop Weeks or other pastors with violent tendencies to have a stay from mounting a pulpit to lead people?  They couldn’t see past Bynum’s fiery personality, or whatever else became the focus.  I’m sure Desiree Washington understands.  Her commitment to dancing to win the competition for which she spent 6 months preparing, over 24 hour delay in reporting the crime, and willingness to visit the famous boxer’s hotel room–after having asked to re-schedule the date, after asking her roommate to go with her to Tyson’s hotel room (who declined)–made her a scorned girl who didn’t want to be treated like a one night stand.  Poor Mike, Poor OJ, Poor R.Kelly, Poor Weeks.  How dare anyone interrupt their lives and make them accountable for alleged criminal activity?

It will be a better day when the focus of crimes committed against women are on the actual criminal activity and not on all of the issues with which the women who were murdered, raped, beaten, and assaulted walk into the criminal activity . 

Should Bynum have stayed will always be a question.  I happen to think that Bynum is a woman responsible for her own life before the Lord and that calling is greater than her calling to influence what a world looking at this fiasco will think about Christians who divorce.  One thing is certain:  her decision to leave is between her and the Lord who knows whether she would have ended up in a coffin from the maniacal behavior of a man who a bellman had to pull off of his wife while stating, “I’m going to kill you”.  The same people with signs praying for their celebrity and religious icons to get off (who they tend to empathize with), would be the same dramazoids waiting to view her body and crying empty tears.  Bynum made the choice to live and I don’t believe God intended for her to part by death at her husband’s hands.

 

http://www.ajc.com/search/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2008/06/21/bynumgwx.html

http://www.ajc.com/search/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2008/03/14/weeks0314.html

May 1, 2008

Juanita Bynum on Divorce Court

by MullOverThis

In case you were wondering what her appearance was all about, check out the clips.

I have never seen divorce court spend so much air-time highlighting any special guests and their own lifestyles or issues.  So, this appearance is probably aimed at increasing the show’s ratings.

Whether or not Bynum’s appearance served ministerial purpose is really a question that only those who she spent time with can answer.  Nonetheless, I’m sure this won’t stop the philosophizers from philosphizing and waking up again tomorrow, having not demonstrated notable service outside of their own needs or interests to anyone else who has been substantially impacted by their lives.  Meanwhile, again Bynum has used her personal life experience to provide insight for someone else.

After being stomped by an unrepentant husband who still denies any real wrongdoing, it is easy for Bynum to identify with and tell another woman to love oneself enough to stop the domestic abuse before it cannot be curtailed.

 

March 14, 2008

SPITZER’S ENDLESS TAB IN THE COST OF THREE FACES

by MullOverThis

SPITZER NOT SLICKSTER. WHAT A NON-WITZER, BITZER OF GLITZER. MUCH MORE OF DITZER.

Surely, New York State soon to be ex-governor Eliot Spitzer did not anticipate on January 1, 2007 that his governorship would have been so short-lived. Had the root of Dr. Seuss’s influence sprigged into the consciousness of his adult psyche, Spitzer must have known that he was going to get busted. First of all, the building blocks of how to remain in office when your ticket is anti-corruption is clean up the mess in your own closet, or at least sweep it under the rug. In other words, wait until your term is over to think you can funnel thousands of dollars through different accounts, some of which allegedly may have been government funds, to support a specific order for a 105 pound brunnette. So for Spitzer, that should have at least included omitting the frequent visits to whoremongers, or having the whoremongers travel to meet him (Did I say “whoremonger” in 2008? Pass this one up to a turret’s syndrome like moment while typing).

When this revelation of yet another man cheating on his wife broke, I did not think that we would be singing the oh so familiar Mickey Mouse song to the New York State Governor, “Now it’s time (pause) to say good-bye (pause) to all our family…E-L-I…” We are simply dealing with a governor plus a call girl/escort (in the whoredom industry high class call girls should never be categorized amongst menial street level hookers or prostitutes). Well, when we had a married DC Mayor with a hooker (she wasn’t an exclusive whore, so we can appropriately call her a hooker) plus crack cocaine and enough expletives to make the Supreme Court re-think the protections profanity enjoys in this nation, not only was the Mayor re-habilitated, but was re-elected. So Spitzer’s fairly quick departure from the governor’s office may be the right thing to do, but still remains ironic. We must accept the fact that we don’t like men who publicly cheat on their wives in the governorship position. Mayors tend to fare better. A Former New York Mayor thought for five seconds he had a chance of winning the Republican nomination for US President when he completely disrespected his wife and children by allowing his then “other woman” (who is now his wife) to frequent the family residence in overnight visits. His public shuffling of his girlfriend did not stop him from completing his term in office but stopped his children from campaigning for him during his presidential bid.

I’m not quite sure how to process this moral turpitude in the land of progressive immorality. Some of the same people who denounce a married man soliciting hookers will fight for two gay men or women to have the right to marry and raise children. Maybe we should simply be grateful that enough people still prefer governmental leaders to exemplify family values and be faithful to their spouses. And, if there is infidelity the leaders should spend more than 54 seconds giving a blanket apology to the public and family without specifically apologizing to the spouse. While so many don’t respect Hilary because she didn’t leave Bill, she demonstrated that some political families, as well as everyday homes, survive spousal infidelity.

Maybe Spitzer’s exit from office is attributable to the alleged illegal activities and possible future charges. The question remains whether Spitzer’s activities will cost him his wife and family. I personally hope they do not. What people like Spitzer often forget during those brain freeze moments is that the young hot “thangs” are not worth a career, marriage, family, possible loss of license to practice if convicted of a felony, one of Hilary Clinton’s super-delegates, and the list goes on. The face of the order No. 9 speaks of a volume of women who think they are liberated every time they demean and reduce themselves to some money and bling to satisfy men who completely objectify them. The face of Spitzer’s wife is that of too many women who must juggle between their own self-worth/respect and sustaining a commitment to a life with a man who typically would never put up with the same malfeasance from his cheating wife. To think of enduring years of his unpleasantries to be given a bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day and some unknown gets the value of a good high-end pocketbook or a month of private school tuition for a romp, brings other unmentionable thoughts to mind. My heart goes out to the many faces that have to deal with public scrutiny and humiliation because one spouse’s decisions have opened up a tab that just may keep running.

March 12, 2008

EURWEB: “Man-UP” and Offer An Apology to Dr. Juanita Bynum

by MullOverThis

EURweb covered the Juanita Bynum and Bishop Thomas Weeks marital dispute stemming from the August 21, 2007 parking lot assault. This media outlet, along with a plethora of others, interviewed Bishop Thomas Weeks and gave slanted coverage. This is not problematic at all as people tend to believe what they believe and present coverage based upon their own perspectives. Where EURweb went too far and denigrated itself to a trashy online publication is when it crossed the lines of any type of journalistic integrity in making the statement, “We find out that in this couple’s feud, Weeks is a total victim who thinks he is being used for Bynum’s personal gain.” (EURweb, WEEKS SPEAKS AGAIN (Part 2): Bishop Thomas Weeks comes out swinging January 2, 2008). If this “WE FIND OUT THAT IN THIS COUPLE’S FEUD WEEKS IS A TOTAL VICTIM…” was a mere misprint, Lee Bailey needs to merely apologize. However, in reading the EURweb’s editorial in totality and context, it will be quite difficult for them to squirm out of the fact this coverage was tabloidville at best.

Looking at the tone of Eurweb’s “exclusive” two-part interview with Bishop Weeks, seems like Mr. Lee Bailey thought he was doing a service to the public by sitting down with a black man who had allegations of assaulting his wife, while ignoring the public records of statements from two eye-witnesses (who were also black men), one of whom pulled Bishop Weeks from kicking his wife while on the ground.

In part one of the interview, here was some of the statements Bailey made regarding the incident: “Now, armed with a PR firm, Weeks is on an interview spree to disinfect what’s left of his reputation–appearing to follow his wife’s trail of tears already having been on the Tom Joyner show where 2 months ago she’d been candid about the alleged abuse. [Please note that Juanita Bynum was very adamant about discussing domestic violence when Tom Joyner tried to pin her to discussing her marriage with Bishop Weeks.]…Perhaps by telling his version of the story his members and others will see him in a more positive light… After the embarrassing allegations he has withstood, it seems that he could use a fresh start…In this continuing coverage of Bynum-Weeks, EUR’s Lee Bailey is one of the first to speak to the tarnished clergyman in a straight up, man-to-man conversation about the allegations he is facing…”

This morning, EURweb’s investigative mode was inoperative and reported the final plead agreement. Since Lee Bailey is into fresh starts for the tarnished who have to disinfect what’s left of a reputation, he might begin with a mere one-liner that addresses the fact that his coverage and gratuitous findings fostered the decrepid concept that a black woman set her husband up when in fact, she was violently abused. Until EURweb can take account for promoting an abusers agenda with their own findings, their worth will certainly only be as good as issuing the press releases and the paid advertisments they publish.

For EURweb interview click on links below:
Part 1:
http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur39588.cfm/
Part 2:
http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur39650.cfm

UPDATE: EURweb was sure to publish Bishop Week’s explanation of taking the plea agreement. Then, they made a few editorializations with supporting quotations, in line with the Bishop’s explanation of the plea agreement. EURweb CONVENIENTLY omitted Bishop’s Weeks public admission that he pushed AND KICKED his wife. What some men will do in order to make a mockery of domestic violence against women is unbelievable.

March 12, 2008

BREAKING NEWS! Juanita Bynum-Weeks and Bishop Thomas Weeks’ Criminal Case Resolved

by MullOverThis

Alas!  Bishop Thomas Weeks III, the Senior Pastor of  Global Destiny plead guilty to the felony charge of aggravated assault against his wife, internationally known speaker, author and singer, Juanita Bynum.  With this plea, the Bishop took full accountability as he acknowledged grabbing, throwing down and kicking Juanita Bynum on August 21, 2007 in an Atlanta hotel parking lot.  He apologized to his wife and received  3 years probation, 200 hours of non-church related community service and mandatory anger management counseling.

Dr. Juanita Bynum did as many women  (and sometimes men) must who have suffered at the hands of their violent attackers in domestic situations–accepted Bishop Weeks’ apology.   Juanita Bynum said she forgave Bishop Thomas Weeks.  Despite withstanding a prolific media campaign of television, on-line and radio interviews and press releases with a pristine clean-cut imagery of the Bishop who intimated Dr. Bynum set him up and proffered himself as the one who had been habitually abused by his wife, Dr. Bynum was vindicated, as much as could be possible, with today’s admission and apology.  Unfortunately, Juanita experienced what many accusers suffer: a complete tirade against one’s character to deflect focusing on the relevant facts and real culpability.  Had Nicole Brown Simpson survived, she might have been able to fill in all of the blanks that occurred in her condo on that fateful night.  Just like OJ’s book deal on how I would have done it, if I would have done it was squashed, we hope that Bishop Weeks will pull his book off of the market since it is evident that he has not yet fully learned his lessons.  Moreso, he does not need to profit one more cent on the back of his wife. 

The presiding judge apparantly scolded both Bynum and Weeks regarding their behavior during this divorce before the public.  This blogger veers from those remarks and emphatically states that in completely reviewing every moment of public footage Juanita Bynum made in press conferences, television appearances and print media, she continually re-stated her agenda to deal with the subject incident and all immediate and ancillary information relating to the same.  When prodded to delve into other marital issues, Juanita maintained her commitment to talk about domestic violence and her new-found introduction into the world no one in their right or left mind ever wants to enter as a first-partaker.  Since when does a woman get scolded for being a public figure who stated the conditions of the assault and everyone else turned her statements and actions upside down to fit another account of the story.  The content and tone of Juanita’s press interviews was completely different than that of the Bishop.  And in case anyone may be a bit confused by the judge’s remarks, Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks was before the court as two individuals, a husband and a wife, not world leaders.  When Juanita was being attacked, she did not represent all of those people who would be influenced by her behavior in public during a tumultuous divorce.  She represented who got kicked, Juanita Bynum.  There is only one saviour of the world, Jesus Christ and He already died for our sins.  I am by no means suggesting that Dr. Bynum should not be mindful of her life choices and how she may influence the world.  But, I am by every means suggesting that she must be acknowledged as an individual for who she is in her very own persona, essence and countenance at some points in her life and this was one of them.  Kudos to Juanita Bynum for taking the lid off of the pressure cooker full of clergy gone wild who justify their behavior and vilify anyone who wants to hold them accountable.  Too many men, saved or not, clergy or not, beat their wives, de-humanize them, de-value them and eat away at their self-worth and want an offering and servitude in the process.  Domestic violence is real and must be dealt with in the church of all institutions, if we say we have the answer to a dying world.

As for the Bishop, I pray that one day soon he will enjoy full restoration.  This will only transpire if he continues down the path of repairing the breach, first and foremost to his wife, the very one he has been called and ordained to protect and cover. And what must the rest of us do?  Thank God that it was not us, and just as God forgives and restores us through His Grace, that we don’t hold a man for the rest of his life to what God has cast into the sea of forgetfulness, once he has sincerely repented to the one he offended and to God. 

 

For more info, click on link below:

http://www.ajc.com/search/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2008/03/11/bynum_0312.html